When Making a Decision Means Feeling Responsible for What Happens Next

ou're perfectly capable of making decisions.

You make them all day long at work, at home and for your family. People may even come to you when they don't know what to do because you're thoughtful and usually pretty good at seeing the whole picture.

But there are certain decisions that seem to take up far more space in your head than they should.

You recommend a contractor to a friend and find yourself worrying about whether they'll do a good job. You choose the restaurant and notice whether everyone likes their meal. You make a decision at work and, when someone questions it, you mentally go back through everything you knew at the time to determine whether you should have chosen differently.

The Exhaustion of Trying to Think Three Steps Ahead

You aren't just thinking about what you're doing right now. You're already thinking about what needs to happen after this, what could interfere with that, and what you'll do if it does.

You're making dinner while mentally working out tomorrow morning. You're sitting in a meeting already anticipating the questions people will ask at the end. Someone suggests plans for the weekend and, before you've answered, you've considered the drive, everyone's schedules, what needs to happen before you leave and how tired you'll be when you get home.

By the time other people start thinking about something, you've often been thinking about it for days.

Why Your Mind Starts Looking for Problems When Everything Is Fine

Work is going well. Your kids are okay. Nothing is falling apart, and you finally have a weekend without a long list demanding your attention. Instead of enjoying it, you start wondering what you're forgetting.

You check your calendar. You remember your son seemed a little quiet yesterday and wonder if something is going on. You haven't heard from a friend in a few days. Maybe you should take another look at your finances.

Nothing has actually happened, but suddenly your peaceful Saturday morning has three potential problems in it.

Why You Replay Conversations Long After They’re Over

You remember something you said and wonder how it sounded. You think about their expression when you said it. Maybe there was a pause you didn't notice at the time, but now you're wondering what it meant. Before long, you're editing a conversation that's already over and preparing explanations for a problem that may not even exist.

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